Gabby's Fate/Transcript (extended cut)
This is a transcript to the extended cut of [[Gabby's Fate|'Gabby's Fate']], a The New Looney Tunes Show spoof skit made by Robot Chicken. Transcript Foghorn Leghorn hits Barnyard Dawg with a paddle like usual and starts to being chased. *'Foghorn:' (to the camera) That dog, I say, I say, that dog never learns his lesson. *'The Killer:' Maybe he never learned, but you'll learn it when you die. The Killer murders Foghorn, decapitating his head with an axe. The Barnyard Dawg comes in. *'Barnyard Dawg:' (seeing the crime) What the fuck happened out here? The Killer also kills Dawg with a hammer and begins laughing maniacally. Scene cuts to Foghorn and Dawg's funeral and burial ceremony. *'Bugs:' (sad) Foghorn Leghorn and Barnyard Dawg maybe didn't get along, but without them, it won't be the same. (to the camera, changing his mood) And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bill Hader. *'Bill Hader:' (reading the Bible) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want... *'Lola:' (interrupting) This is very weird. I always thought that Foghorn would be killed by that chicken hawk, not by an unknown murderer. Miss Prissy jumps crying on Foghorn's casket as it gets lowered into the ground. *'Sylvester:' I know, right? Never on our world... *'Bill Hader:' (interrupting) Excuse me? *'Daffy:' Don’t you mean Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me? Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! The others facepalm. *'Bill Hader:' No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the beak outta your mouth?! *'Porky:' Wow, Bill's working b-b-b-blue, but he’s right. This is completely suspicious. We must i-i-i-investigate. *'Bugs:' Right, Porky. But we vowed never to talk about...that night. Bugs gets out a photo of Gabby Goat and looked at it. The scene cuts to Pete Puma, cleaning the Royal Motel. *'Pete:' Why is it always me to clean this shit? I want to be more than just a comic relief. *'The Killer:' Hey, fella. How many lumps do you want? *'Pete:' Oh, uh... three or four. The camera focuses to the Royal Motel, where Pete's scream is heard. It cuts to Bugs and Porky in a detective office, seeing the whole thing on TV. Then, Daffy comes in. *'Daffy:' Guys, we must go to the Royal Motel. There's been another twelve murders here! *'Bugs:' Twelve? It seems as that we're dealing with a serial killer. Let's go. The scene cuts to the three detectives in the crime scene, where the body of 12 Looney Tunes characters are seen. Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Granny and Tweety walk over to see bodies of Foxy and Roxy, Goopy Geer, Beans the Cat, Ham and Ex, Little Kitty, Oliver Owl, Buddy and Cookie, Bruno and Wilbur. * Tweety: Uh, oh, Gwanny. This doesn't wook good. * Granny: Hmm. It looks like twelve Looney Tunes characters have been cut, shot and sliced to death by the killer during their stay at the hotel. * Daffy: Including Buddy and Cookie. Aw, who cares about them anyway? They were boring as hell. * Porky: And is that B-B-B-BEANS?!? Porky rushes over to Beans for his aid. * Daffy: He's been shot too? What a surprise. (points to left) Oh, and there's Ham and Ex, Little Kitty and Oliver Owl. Man, Warner Bros. has to stop wasting so many of its characters. (to right) And there's Foxy and Roxy, and... (confused) Goopy Geer? (realizes) Oh, man. I wonder if I'm the next one to get shot by The Killer! Cut to Bugs with Detective #1. * Bugs: Is it crucial, doc? * Detective #1: Can't say it is. * Daffy: (grabs Bugs by the chest) Bugs, what are we gonna do? What if the Killer comes back?! I don't wanna be the next to die! * Bugs: (gently moves Daffy's hand away) Of course not, duck. Let's just calm down and we'll pull right through this. Okay? * Daffy: You're right! I need to take it like a man! Or, uh... duck. * Bugs: (gently pats Daffy on the back) There you go. Cut back to exterior of Warner Bros. Studios (two weeks later), where we hear Bugs off-screen. * Bugs: Bosko and Honey are WHAT?!? We cut to interior where we see Bugs, Daffy, Lola and the detectives in the conference room. * Detective #1: They've been shot. By the killer with a big machine gun. He killed the first two original Looney Tunes over a thousand and a half times. * Bugs: Still, doc. Why did it happen? * Detective #1: He has a strong hatred towards them because of their usual Disney-esque song-and-dance routine. Their death looks a bit similar to Bonnie and Clyde's death. Cut to Daffy with Bugs and Lola. * Daffy: (turns over to Bugs and Lola) I'm telling you, guys! Something strange is going on! * Bugs and Lola: (unison) We know, Daffy. We know. Cut back to Detective #1, looking over the other papers. * Detective #1: A few hours later, the Killer came back and put the Warners in a blender. Then, he turned it on and the Warners were reduced to a big puddle of black ink. Are their blood types ink by any chance? * Bugs: Well, they were created in the thirties. So, I would say technically they're inkblot characters. But, don't worry. We'll try to find the killer, no matter how long it takes. Meanwhile in the desert, Wile E. Coyote is busy chasing the Road Runner. The Killer already set off an explosion mine on the Road Runner, causing Wile E. Coyote to run for his aid. * Wile E. Coyote: Without you, my life has no meaning. Wile E. Coyote smacks himself in the head with a mallet and collapses on the floor. Both the coyote and the road runner are taken away by the Killer. Later at Pepe Le Pew's dressing room, where he is fixing himself up with powder puff on his cheeks. * Pepe: I am going to be ze fanciest skunk at ze party. (to audience) Handsome, am I not? Suddenly, The Killer knocks at the door of Pepe's dressing room. * Pepe: Ah, someone is here to see me. Le come in! Cut to the studio, Pepe's scream is heard. * Pepe: I am going to be ze kill! AIDEZ-MOI! A day later, Bugs and Sylvester are at the front door of Sylvester's dressing room. * Bugs: The Road Runner was killed after stepping on a land mine. Wile E. Coyote smacked himself dead in the head. And now yesterday, Pepe was cut to pieces by the killer. I think it has something to do with someone right in this room. * Sylvester: But why would he do that, Bugs? * Bugs: I'm not so sure who could be behind this, but I'm afraid one of us is going to find out. Sylvester, you keep an eye out for The Killer in case if he kills anymore of our friends here. * Sylvester: Roger that. (salutes as Bugs leaves) Sylvester then returns to his dressing room and closes the door. Cut to Sylvester inside his dressing room. *'Sylvester:' Sufferin' succotash, this is unbelievable. Who could be the next one? *'The Killer:' Hey, Sylvester? Why did the cat turn red? *'Sylvester:' I don’t know, stranger. *'The Killer:' Because he was em-CAT-assed! *'Sylvester:' (sarcastically clapping) Bravo... *'The Killer:' Well, then how about this? Because I fucking stabbed him! The Killer stabs Sylvester in the neck and then in the back with a knife. Cut to Sylvester, who is out of his dressing room and into backstage. *'Sylvester:' Motherfucker... Ooohh! (falls on the floor) *'Tweety:' (seeing the crime) That puddy tat should stop twying to get into trouble. *'Sylvester:' Hey, bird, can you stop arguing and call me an ambulance? *'Tweety:' How about no? It's time to pay for your cwimes. Sylvester is dragged offscreen by the Killer and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage. *'Tweety:' (scared) Puddy tat? Puddy tat? (the Killer appears behind him) Uh-oh! Wait! Why are you looking at me? You're gonna kill me? (the Killer catches him) Wait! NOOOOOO! The Killer breaks Tweety's neck, killing him instantly. Cut to Bugs, Daffy and Lola with Sylvester and Tweety's bodies being taken to the hospital by two canines on a stretcher. * Bugs: First Foghorn Leghorn and Barnyard Dawg, then all the others, and now Sylvester and Tweety. (in cold fear) Could we be paying the price for what we did to...? * Lola: Don't say that name, Bugs. * Daffy: (realizing) Ohh, Lola Bunny's telling Bugs what to do! Hey, everybody, come here! You've gotta see this! Lola's telling Bugs what to do! Wow, this must be a day that ends in Y! * Bugs and Lola: (unison) Shut up, Daffy. Daffy is unamused when Bugs and Lola told him calmly to shut up. Porky walks by carrying a boxful of props. * Bugs: Hey, uh, Porky? * Porky: Oh, h-h-h-hey, Bugs! * Bugs: We need to talk about the killer. * Porky: W-why, sure. I knew somebody who was a bit destructive. If not for that shocking incident... * Bugs: You know, I'm gonna stop you right there. We have a flashback for it. We swipe to a flashback at Leon Schlesinger Productions in Los Angeles around 1939, where Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs), Daffy Duck (in his original screwball personality at the time), Porky Pig, Gabby Goat, Egghead and Petunia Pig are at a swimming pool outside. * Porky: I'll be right b-b-b-back, gang. I gotta go get our floaties from the c-c-c-closet. (leaves the scene) * Gabby: What a square! * Petunia: Now, Gabby. Don't try to give Porky anymore grief during the summer. Okay? * Gabby: (ponders, then agrees calmly) Fine. (turns away from Petunia; to himself) I hate these idiots. I will try to get a talk with Mr. Schlesinger! (tries to walk off, but is stopped by Daffy, Egghead and Happy Rabbit) * Daffy: Whoa! Hold on, Buster! Where'd you think you're going? * Egghead: Porky invited you to be part of the Warner Bros. cartoon summer celebratory party of 1939, remember? * Gabby: (nervous) Well, I was just.... Uhhhhhhh.... * Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs): (pushes Gabby back into the party) Come on! Get back in! The celebration's about to start! * Gabby: You know what? Suck my balls. Everybody gasps, especially Petunia (who is offended by Gabby). * Petunia: What?!? Excuse me?!?!? * Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs): Uh-oh! (keeps Petunia apart from Gabby) Gabby, if you only take my advice in your natural life, take it now! Walk away. Gabby simply smacks Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs), pushing him down. * Daffy: (calls out) Mr. Schlesinger, Gabby's hitting us again! * Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs): (rubbing his face) Yeah, who's the homo now? Gabby violently beats up Daffy, punching him down to the ground. * Petunia: Oh, dear! He's attacking Daffy! (turns to Egghead) Egghead, do something! * Egghead: What should I do? * Petunia: Call the police! And hurry! Cut to Gabby being taken away by the officers. * Police Officer #1: Come on, Goat! You hit a defenseless duck, so you're goin' downtown with us! * Gabby Goat: Shut up, bastard! I swear to god I'll kill you! The two officers put Gabby in the paddy wagon and closed it shut with a jail cell. Gabby pops up holding on to the bars. * Gabby Goat: You'll all get yours, you happy goody-goodies! In 80 years, history will vindicate me and I'll come back to kill you! Gabby is being driven away, yelling into the distance. Cut to Happy Rabbit (proto-Bugs), Daffy Duck, Petunia Pig and Egghead with Leon Schlesinger behind them. * Leon Schlesinger: Jeez. It's too bad you have to live next to such a crazy goat with a rotten temper. * Egghead: Uh... Mr. Schlesinger, I think we've already got that one. Flashback ends. *'Daffy:' Oh, yeah. I remember. Gabby was really crazy. This was the last time we see him. I thought he quit the studio due to these events. *'Bugs:' That's besides the point. *'Porky:' W-w-w-wait a minute! (shocked) You've sent G-G-G-Gabby under arrest?! *'Bugs:' Uh, well, Daffy was being beaten up by 60%, but... we're kind of burying the lead here. (frightened) We think Gabby’s escaped prison for revenge! *'The Killer:' (off-screen) Oh, Gabby will have his revenge. *'Bugs, Daffy and Porky:' (unison, turns around) Huh? Pan to The Killer, who takes off his hooded robe, revealing himself to be the true identity of the hooded killer: Gabby Goat himself. At this truth, Bugs, Daffy and Porky scream in fear. * Gabby: (takes out the knife to thrust at Bugs) Fifteen seconds 'till your death! Thinking quickly, Lola Bunny does her famous karate yell and jumps to kick Gabby, but misses and crashes into the curtains with a yelp before falling on the floor. *'Gabby:' (raises the knife as Lola stands back up, with Bugs, Daffy and Porky walking next to her) Here it comes! Showtime! Before he can, Tina is holding a large net gun and is aiming it at Gabby. *'Tina Russo:' Hey! Get away from them, you son of a bitch! *'Gabby:' You can’t catch me! Ducks don’t even have fingers! Denying this, Tina fires a net, capturing Gabby as he groans and collapses on the floor. Bugs, Daffy and Porky grab the captured Gabby in a net up on top over their heads. *'Bugs:' You did it, Tina! You captured Gabby for us! Now, what shall we do with him? *'Porky:' I say we call the police! He's caused enough trouble for o-one day! Cut to the courtroom. The judge's gavel knocks. * Guard: Court will come to order. The Honorable Judge Puss in Boots presiding. * Judge Puss in Boots: We are in a case of the Looney Tunes vs Gabby Goat, who is charged with murder. Is the prosecutor ready to proceed? * Prosecutor: Yes, your honor. That crazy, mischievous goat killed many people, most of them are Looney Tunes characters. All of this is due to him being fired after getting arrested for assault 80 years ago. * Gabby: I object. This court is stacked against me! * Judge Puss in Boots: What are you talking about? * Gabby: I mean that is definitely not a jury of my peers! What kind of court hires football players? * Chicago Bears Player: You're going down! * Chicago Bears: Rah! * Judge Puss in Boots: How does the jury find the defendant? Gabby catches a football and the Chicago Bears tackle him. * Chicago Bears: Raah! * Judge Puss in Boots: Sounds like guilty to me. I sentence you to the electric chair. Case closed. (gavel knocks) The two officers grab a beaten Gabby Goat and take him away. * Gabby: See you in hell, you stupid cat! Screen cuts to Gabby in an electric chair in the execution room. * Executioner: Do you have any last words? * Gabby: If you only had the balls. * Executioner: Well, we are going to electrocute you. * Gabby: (laughing) LIGHT UP MY LIFE!! The Executioner pulls the switch for the electric chair. Gabby keeps laughing, and gets electrocuted to death. Cut to black, where we see Gabby's point-of-view as he opens his eyelids to see himself in Hell. Cut to where we see Gabby outside his point-of-view. * Gabby: W-where am I? (he sees Satan) And who the fuck are you?! * Satan: I'' am Satan! (thunder strikes in the background) * '''Gabby:' Oh, right. (rubs his hands together) I know where I am. Thunder strikes on the screen as we cut to black. Segment ends.